***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
