We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
