her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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