I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love you.
Bad choice
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