The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
