ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i will never coherently bang her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Vodka?
Forever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
