I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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