Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
