Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
