i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
