just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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