2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
