Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
