Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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