I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
