I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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