You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
