All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
