Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
