Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
