Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
