Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can't special order awesome
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We had sex on a dog bed..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
