my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
