So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
