he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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