my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
