u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
