This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
