I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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