I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize