He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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