You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
