I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
