A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
