if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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