what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
