she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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