I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
