her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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