Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
