I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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