the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
