I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
