they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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