If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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