I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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