i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
