I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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