I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize