I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
