so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
