we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
