Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
