Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
