Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
