We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
