I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
