I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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