Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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