absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so that wasnt chicken after all
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize