You work out of a Hotel?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
