They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
