Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
