pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
