i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Blood and glitter go together right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
