Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize