Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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