What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
