So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize