I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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