I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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