Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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