you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
