Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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