I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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