my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize